Take this beer personality quiz!
With a whole earthy rainbow of beers out there, how to choose one that fits the real you? Follow Groove’s highly unscientific questionnaire to find out the beer that best fits your personality.
(Full disclosure: it’s very likely that none of these will fit your personality. But personifying beer types is fun!)
Choose one answer per question and add the number of each lettered response to match the beer type to your personality.
1. The last book I read was:
a) A love story. Well, it was more about revenge, actually.
b) A biography of a famous athlete. Or a glam rocker, can’t remember.
c) Thick, hardcover, focused on the doomed global economy.
d) Dystopian short stories.
e) By an old, dead Irish guy.
2. I’m only happy when:
a) It rains.
c) It isn’t healthy to have one’s happiness be contingent on one thing. It’s all about balance.
d) I’m experiencing something good. Like art. Or sex. Or beer.
e) The bar’s finally emptied out. It’s just me, the bartender, my pint and my thoughts. So, noon.
3. My fad diet of choice is:
a) It’s no coincidence “fad diet” rhymes with “bad diet.” Hard pass.
c) I cut gluten in 2011, went paleo in February 2013 and have been low-fruit for about eight weeks now. Feelin’ great, but I still cheat every other weekend. Life’s gotta be lived!
d) A diet where you only eat food the color of your mood that day.
e) Grapefruit diet. Long story.
4. My relationship status:
a) Turnin’ em, burnin’ em.
b) Actively single and down to mingle. Swipe right.
c) I’m a relationship girl/guy. I’m a committer.
d) My life is a seemingly unending string of Jim/Pam situations.
e) On the rebound…for most of this decade.
5. You can sate your sweet tooth by ordering ANYTHING off the dessert menu. At an American chain restaurant. You choose:
a) Those cakes they douse in flaming alcohol.
b) That’s tough, but you can’t go wrong with anything “Oreo Madness.” Classic.
c) If they have plain cheesecake I’ll take a slice to go and freeze it for a rainy day.
d) OBSESSED with salted caramel these days, but always willing to experiment.
e) Beer float. It’s not on the menu, you just gotta ask.
Tally up your answers!
Mostly A’s = Wheat Beer
You’ve got bite to you. You are lovely and sunny in appearance, but acidic and a little sour on the inside. A cool, German, bristly temperament flows through your veins. Ironically, people tend to want to hang around you; you’re popular despite —or maybe because of— your inscrutably bitter disposition.
Mostly B’s = Pilsner
People rely on you and you’re an agreeable creature about town. You seem at home in sports bars. You are eager to please and sometimes more popular than you want to be. Some people might argue you lack substance, but you know what you are and where you fit in. Cheers to confidence.
Mostly C’s = Lager
You’re a practical soul. And most people will find you to be simple at first, but in time they will learn of your chameleon ways. People often uncover your tendencies for lightness and for darkness. You are, despite appearances, worldly. You can be smart and sexy and, at the same time, unassuming and modest.
Mostly D’s = Ambers/Reds
A little spicy, a little mysterious, a little seductive. People don’t always know what to make of you at first. Some will love you, some will leave you. Not everyone will appreciate your complexities, but that’s on them. Moody with a flair for the dramatic, you thrive in the cold months.
Mostly E’s = Stout
Your dark, shuttered exterior might scare people off before they get to know you. You’re surprisingly lucid and smooth on the inside. You’re the friend people turn to when the rain falls hard, figuratively and/or literally, you comfort those slumped in the back of the bar as much as the ones at the front still loosening up. It sounds weird to say, too, but trust me on this: chocolate and coffee taste great with you – er, I mean, for you, they’re good for your…personality type.