(Hilary Valdez)
When I was in elementary school, I wanted to see the world and meet people. I would read adventure comic books of the daring deeds of world adventurers. How thrilling! I thought everyone I met would be nice, friendly and open to meeting me and being my friend. I had no idea how I would make a living. I lacked skills. As I would learn, life skills pay the bills. I didn’t know how to spell contingency, so I couldn’t plan and determine what was feasible versus what was desirable. Between what was real and what was imagined.
My dream was to improve my life and leave New York City. I thought since I walked around Manhattan by myself, I could walk around the world. How long would it take to walk around the world and shake hands with everyone? Can’t be that difficult. But what was realistic? What was within my grasp? Was I dreaming the impossible dream? How could I sustain my dream? How can I achieve my goal? I didn’t want my life to be just content. I needed excitement and meaning in my life.
When my father transferred to San Diego, I lost all the independence that I enjoyed in Manhattan. I was too young to drive a car or have a driver’s license. I had to money, not even a bicycle. So, walking and the bus was my mode of conveyance. Public transportation was the beginning of my adventure.
As time passed, my unfulfilled dream was causing a lingering sense of disappointment and sorrow: I was still dreaming the impossible. But as high school graduation approached, a half-dozen of my classmates decided wouldn’t it be fun to join the Marine Corps and see the world, maybe go to Asia? Well, that didn’t work. I spent the next two years in San Diego then Camp Pendleton, followed by duty in Washington State and Alaska.
When I left the Corps, I was a Corporal and still dazed and confused. But I possessed Corps values that were instilled in me; I was self-confident, self-disciplined, ready to attack challenges, and I was in athletic shape. I could handle stress and ambiguity: I possessed a strong belief in my capacity for achievement. I wasn’t filled with anxiety and self-doubt. I was open for personal growth. I knew I was about to undergo some life-changing transformations. But I didn’t want to dream my life away. Continuing to dream the impossible dream, could hurt me.
It took me a while to release the goal of traveling the world. I rethought the difference between desirable and feasible goals. I began mental contrasting to link desirable goals to present reality. I pondered the future and imagined the obstacles of reality and goal achievement. For example, I thought of becoming a musician, since I was in the Marine Corps Band and Drum and Bugle Corps and attended the Corps music school. But being a senior citizen in a rock band didn’t sound appealing. Then trying to support a family as a musician seemed like a tough gig.
Then I met a group of veteran Marines working together at a bar/restaurant and attending community college together. They needed another roommate and a person to work the night shift. What better company to be with. With that, I started work, had a place to live, and enrolled in community college. A plan was emerging, sticking to it would be hard work for the next four-to-six years. My goal was personal growth, that meant undergoing more life changes. I knew I was on the right path to enhance my quality of life. It was difficult, but clear cut.
I had a clear vision. I became more organized; I knew what I wanted to achieve. I evaluated my current natural skills; I had a realistic goal. I had a growth mind set in that intelligence and abilities can be developed, if I studied hard and applied myself. I saw past and current challenges as an opportunity to learn and grow.
One semester, I had a setback, my father said: “Good reasoners try another way. Keep trying. I takes effort and hard work to achieve your goals.” With that, he opened his wallet and showed me a thick wad of cash stating: ”These are your best friends. They’ll never let you down. Get as many of them as possible.” Staring gleefully at the money, he quickly closed his wallet, then offered me a tuna sandwich. I was glum again. No free handouts.
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Hilary Valdez is a freelancer living in Tokyo, Japan. He is an experienced Mental Health professional and Resiliency Trainer. Valdez is a former Marine and has worked with the military most of his career and most recently worked at Camp Zama as a Master Resiliency Trainer. Valdez now has a private practice and publishes books on social and psychological issues. His books are available on Amazon and for Kindle. Learn more about Valdez and contact him at his website or email (InstantInsights@hotmail.com). Follow his YouTube channel Hilary’s Quick Talk for more insights.
